A Man of few...

Ever heard Ravi Shastry coverup? I bet you would have. (Not really, dont come asking me what I bet on)

He'd say "The batsman is in such a blistering form, I would not be surprised if he knocks the very wind out of the opposition"

Clang....The stumps go for a customary somersault - "Bye Bye Blooper"

Shastry : "Duh, you know....cricket is a funny game..."

Duh, I know, English is a funny language. And with "inthings" galore, it sure is poised to drive me nuts!
My english teacher used to tell me, "There is no set grammar son...Its all in the minds of the elite".
I agree, and repent - I forgot to ask her for the definition of "elite".
Phonetics have gone for a toss, and spellings sadly, dated phonetics.
With the advent of email/chat, a whole new dimension has been lent to the language.
Now I sit back and think:
"If saying 'you' was as simple as saying 'u', then why did the elite come up with 'you'?"
Yes, I know...otherwise u would be left alone.

Not being elite, more often than less, makes life much simpler.

Not long ago, it was in vogue to be a "Man of few words". Almost always, a captivating, albeit intriguing aura surrounded the man, and as quintessentially normal human beings, we associate fear and respect with the unknown. And the man would be ever revered. As the saying goes "It is better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you are an idiot, rather than opening it and obviating any doubts".
But new age that it is, learn to esteem the "Man of few alphanumerics".

A few ice-ages back, I sent an email to a friend, a longlost man whose verbosity was famed in those evergreen college days of his. And I being a man of few words, but a lot of questions, had written in the mail

"How are you? How is life? Are you busy these days?"

And pat comes the reply :
"1. Fn tq
2. Gr8
3. F off. "

which, later I found, were supposed to be translated as:

"1. I am fine, Thank You.
2. Life is Great.
3. Yes, I am busy."

Tq gawd he dint abbrivte d last ans. - Oops!
See, it is addictive. And makes life so much simpler(?!).
Nonetheless, email/chat etiquettes demand that you be concise and short with your scribbles. But this, is heights of exaggeration.

Another consequence of being a "man of few alphanumerics" - now thats too long...we'll call him MOFA....(see, I learn to keep up with times)
So as I was saying, another consequence of being a MOFA, is that the spellings effectively date phonetics, which are taken for a ride with overwhelming efficacy.

I have a chat friend, whose identity I shall not reveal, on the basis of request for anonymity. She was excited about her new-found love.
She said: "Its much wonderfool experiance to have boyfrend"
I did not dare to ask her for an explanation.
Was that a new 'Inthing', or was it genuine lack of substantial training in English grammar and spellings? Or was it a new breed of onomatopoeia?

See, it is so simple to camouflage lack of elementary skull sessions. What is minacious about this whole affair is the liability, of a lack of basics being regarded as new savoir-faire, of blatant bizarreness being passed off as vogue.
Very intrinsic to English anyways.

But the language isn't simple and user-friendly(I am a software professional) anyways, many a time.
That gets me back to my first question : "If saying 'you' was as simple as saying 'u' or 'yu', why did they come up with 'you'?"
"If saying 'school' was as simple as saying 'skool', why did they come up with 'school'?"

Now dont tell me the human ears are so efficient to be making out the unnoticably subtle difference in the pronunciation of 'ch' and 'k'.If it is, come on Confuscious, that is the corniest thing I have ever heard!
See, the language is fraught with smug aesthetics I tell you.

And speak of slang and lingo. Distributaries of the language. If grammar was the aristocrat, slang is the streetsmart. And lingo is the fashionman. And the users are "yo"men.
Perhaps one of the most bizarre usages I have seen, is of the word "kewl". That is supposed to mean "cool".
Please justify - If you wanted to be a MOFA, you still would not have come up with it because both the words are equally long.
To me, some airhead obsessed with irrational jingoism to being "yo" kinds, just screwed up the concept of being "cool".
Ah, the language is replete with examples.
Try saying "ciao" to convey "see you". If you were a MOFA, you would say "cu". A perfectly acceptable form of adios, is it not!

Yes - knead it, chop it, writhe it, choke it, dye it, kick it or slap it - you would still be within limits of comprehensible articulateness.
Ask an elite, and he'd say:

"Duh, you know...English is a funny language".