A helping hand to the married folks, and to those who dream of good marriages!

There are innumerable languages in the world. 'Mankind' invented sounds and words to express how he feels. Yes, express how he feels. Period.

Womankind on the other hand, invented confusion.

And folks, if you are just looking for a small helping hand, here is what I found:

The Wife Translations Guide

Wife: We need
Means: I want

Wife: It's your decision
Means: The correct decision should be obvious

Wife: Do what you want
Means: You'll pay for this later

Wife: We need to talk
Means: I need to complain

Wife: Sure... go ahead
Means: I don't want you to

Wife: I'm not upset
Means: Of course I'm upset you moron

Wife: You're... so manly
Means: You need a shave and sweat a lot

Wife: Be romantic, turn out the lights
Means: I have flabby thighs.

Wife: This kitchen is so inconvenient
Means: I want a new house.

Wife: I want new curtains.
Means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!

Wife: I need wedding shoes.
Means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.

Wife: Hang the picture there
Means: No, I mean hang it there!

Wife: I heard a noise
Means: I noticed you were almost asleep.

Wife: Do you love me?
Means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.

Wife: How much do you love me?
Means: I did something today you're not going to like.

Wife: I'll be ready in a minute.
Means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.

Wife: Am I fat?
Means: Tell me I'm beautiful.

Wife: You have to learn to communicate.
Means: Just agree with me.

Wife: Are you listening to me?
Means: [Too late, your doomed.]

Wife: Yes
Means: No

Wife: No
Means: No

Wife: Maybe
Means: No

Wife: I'm sorry
Means: You'll be sorry

Wife: Do you like this recipe?
Means: You better get used to it

Wife: All we're going to buy is a soap dish
Means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.

Wife: Was that the baby?
Means: Get out of bed and walk him

Wife: I'm not yelling!
Means: Yes I am! I think this is important!

In answer to the question "What's wrong?"

Wife: The same old thing.
Means: Nothing.

Wife: Nothing.
Means: Everything.

Wife: Nothing, really.
Means: It's just that you're an idiot.

Wife: I don't want to talk about it.
Means: I'm still building up steam.